I have been nightmaring again. I have very vivid dreams, sometimes I wake up with the emotion of it all still fresh in my throat and heart; fear, sorrow. One of my nightmares I've actually turned into a novel. In time, I will post excerpts from it. But for now, here is a nightmare I've turned into a poem:
Outer Being / Inner Conflict
When shadows and darkness fall
we see them holding in their laughter and blackest evil
we sit in corners full of fear
listening to the deafening silence in the room we two occupy
Dowsed in moonlight are the wooden floors
moonlight taking shapes of windows. . . vortex
All lightless lays the rest of this home
I see you though
you’re crouched down
the only article besides me in this emptiness
and you grin. . .
holding in
the evil and the sin
We wish you’d let go and release your rage
you can torture us forever but soon it wears thin my friend.
I see no hair
I see no eyes
I see no part of you but I smell your amusement
and I taste your form
I feel your intentions in the nightfall
hearing all the talk of the wooden boards
This is no hunt for we know each other’s position in this place
this is no dream, I am here you are there, my heart is beating steadily
I know I bleed
Speak! Speak demon
these words I can not whisper
this pain. . .
I can not speak
be with me my soul
and do not linger off
be brave spirit
do not desert
My back merges with the wall
I open my eyes, you greet me - “Don’t open your eyes, when you do I can read your mind.”
Your nose touches mine, your eyes are so black they can not be differentiated from the surrounding space
My teeth lock on to your face as I grab your arms and I fight for my life as any of you would
our bodies fall against that which is sensuously caressed by the light of the moon
disturbing
the intercourse between the two
you and we manage to get to our feet ferociously lunging at throats
forgetting that we possess hands not claws
forgetting what we tread upon,
only knowing that we will devour the other
You shred our skin
as we breathe in
no
this is not a dream
I bleed
I bleed
We ask for no rescue, deliverance or forgiveness
not now. . .
maybe once but not now.
We return the blow breaking bone
I could not breathe as you limped to me and grinned
placing your hands on my shoulders I watched you lick your bloody teeth
I couldn’t let you seep in
I stepped back
You stepped forward
I stepped right
You stepped right
to any stranger we were dancing, to any except us.
you seemed not to mind the broken insides
there was no scream of pain as I had imagined
only the sight of one undeterred baring the grin I am familiar with
one that resounds
as you hold the laughter in
I’ll win demon
I’ll win.
Perhaps not my best work, but it got the job done at the time, and I needed to purge. This is how I release the blackness in me - I write. So there will be lots of writing here, lots of purging.
And this is good; it's good that my soul is not empty, because it means it can be filled with light and love, just as it was filled with darkness and pain. You all are helping me carry pails of healing salve to my wounds. I hear your voices, they are whispering resonations of encouragement and they chime like the voices of priests and priestesses in the sanctuary of my being. So I keep sending thanks, as I listen to the sounds of your melodies.
Tomorrow, Chiming In. . .
Tomorrow, Chiming In. . .
