After Life?

Before I start this post I wanna be all ghetto and give a shout out to the countries where my traffic comes from:

US - my home country, gotta love it

Germany - only ever been in your airports - the people in the Frankfort airport were nicer than Munich

Canada - never been, but I hear good things about you

UK - Many of my friends come from or reside here, so I send my love

Ukraine - I always think of that movie Hostel when I see you, please comment and give me a new perspective

New Zealand - Kiwis are pretty funny

Australia - Aussies are pretty hot

Hungary - Regal in nature

Vietnam - Mysteries to me

Philippines - Love your food!

Pakistan - Not sure what to think but what a political climate

India - Outsource heaven

Denmark - What is there in Denmark, someone please enlighten me

Indonesia - Heard you could vacation like a queen here

Iran - Please forgive me, but I always think of Osama Bin Laden

Italy - Loved Florence! and the people were so sweet!

Jamaica - Loved Jamaica, but it felt dangerous at times

Barbados - Sorry, but super boring - been there done that

The Netherlands - Ummmm, ice?

Russia - The accents are intriguing and it's where my husband’s people come from

Slovenia - My brother loves you guys so you can't be that bad :)

Brazil - I've heard wild stories - you should be on 'Countries Gone Wild'

Japan - Praying for you with all my might

Korea - Worried for you

China - May visit you next year

Spain - May visit you this year - Barcelona here I come!

Portugal - Spain's quiet cousin

                                     

One more shout out: Thank you Simple Simon Says for listing me (Rosaria, he listed you too - hugs everyone)

So I was watching that movie Hereafter, and I began to think about what happens to us after we die. It's never been a thought for me before because I grew up Christian, and most Christians believe you go to Heaven when you die. I never really questioned that, even when I got older, even through my doubts, and then at some point I just didn't care about where I went to after I died anyway. But after watching that movie, I really examined my feelings on the subject. Anyone who knows me very well knows that I like having contingency plans - or in this case contingency thoughts. What if there is no heaven to go to after we die; what can I believe in instead? Pretty silly, huh? I mean, since I'll be dead, it really doesn't matter now does it? Anyone who knows me really well also knows that there is a scientific mind packed away in here somewhere, so this is what I've come up with: In physics we learn that matter is neither created nor destroyed, and it has been scientifically proven that when we die we automatically lose weight - a few grams. Does this loss of grams represent our souls leaving our bodies, I don't know, but I do know empirically that matter is neither created nor destroyed. So my contingency thought is that the energy, that made us uniquely who we are (you may call that a soul, personality, what have you) , goes into space - unbound by gravity, and it drifts, maybe running into other energies as it travels. And there is the imprint of memories on this energy, but no feeling, only weightlessness and a sense of vastness.

What do you think?

Tomorrow, Bees Sting. . .

God and I

Throughout my life, I have always had friends who, because of what they've seen me live through - the blessings and curses - they're faith in God has either become stronger, or it has diminished. I've had a friend who was an atheist come to me and say she believed in angels because of some of the things I had been spared. I've had a friend come to me and say, if God exists, why would He let you live through this - you don't deserve this? But, no matter what, my faith in God has always remained. It has been my own personal experiences that have led me to the choice to believe, my own personal inner voice - sometimes a whisper, sometimes a scream, sometimes a tap on the shoulder. My faith is for me, I share it with those I am led to, and I respect the right of others to disagree. But for me, ever since I was a young girl, I knew someone was protecting me, and it wasn't my parents.

Maybe this sounds ungrateful, I hope not, but it is my true feeling - I didn't felt safe as a child. In fact, I blamed my molestation on my father's absence for a long time; I am just now coming to terms with the fact that even if he were around he might not have been able to prevent what happened. This is something I know intellectually, but as I am typing, it is still a revelation of knowledge; that sentence, ". . .even if he were around he might not have been able to prevent what happened." it sends shockwaves through my system. So within, my soul, it is tumultuous, but I can still make poetry from that turmoil:

GOD WALKS WITH ME

God Walks With Me

   In a time when all is lost and every dream is gone

                                                      every hope gone

                                                      every friend

                                                      and bit of life

God walks with me

even if you don't believe

or

can't believe                        

God walks with me

Heartaches

and

Soul aches

            through

Headaches

God walks with me

and I praise

I rise

I raise my hands to pray

and I sin

submit

disappoint and blunder

yet. . .

He walks with me

unworthy am i

Forever fuming in my own ambivalence

forever flaming in my rage over millennium old conflicts

forever unable to see

           

why God Walks with me. . .

My lamentations, ghosts of actions

My penance, philanthropic meanderings and ablutions

Tomorrow, Excerpt - The Point (Working Title)