I have known for some time now that I am one of those people who cannot keep their feelings inside. Since my traumatic childhood, it was like I was all filled up and couldn't bear to keep any other secrets or any other emotions inside. I was a cup with feelings packed to the brim. Even if I tried to keep it in, one look at my face would tell you exactly what I was thinking. Now that I have released a lot of the poltergeists that resided in me, I feel like maybe I can hold more in; like I could have a hell of a poker face. And yet, I choose not to. Or maybe it's just the habit of auto-release that is making the choice for me.
Unable to hold it in comes in handy when its love I'm spewing :). My husband never doubts me, my family knows exactly where they stand, and my friends know they can rely on me. My love is deep and true and intense. My love is through the roof. My love overwhelms me.
But as strong as my love is my anger is. My anger frightens even me and brings me to a place I don't like to go mentally. It shakes my soul and it burdens my heart and mind. My anger shocks, and comes quickly and leaves only after it's destroyed something beautiful.
And so, what happens when it's all said and done? What is to become of the ebb and flow of my spirit? Do I continue to hold it in, or take the opportunity to share. Do I choose to let my love flow boundlessly and chock off the less desired emotions within?
Perhaps I will continue holding it in. . .
Tomorrow, Fixing What's Right - Breaking What's Broken. . .
You don't want to frighten or alienate those you love! Your anger is a release valve, but it can immobilize you and the audience. Try to catch yourself before you explode, and find other ways to get rid of pent up emotions. Writing is just one way.
ReplyDeleteExercise is a great release.
Being passionate and involved with something that gives us meaning is probably what we all need to feel needed, loved, in control of our lives.
You mentioned somewhere that you have no children of your own. Could you volunteer a few hours a week at a school? They could use a lot of help these days.
You're so full of good ideas Rosaria - do you think it might be too late to volunteer considering that the semester will be over in a few months?
ReplyDeleteI've always been a let it out type person myself Pandora so I can certainly relate. I've tried to make myself become a little more private the older I get, but I'm still too impulsive at times when it comes to sharing myself and my thoughts and feelings. Is it a good thing or a bad thing? I don't know really. I question myself about that on a regular basis actually. In the end i think you do what is good for you and if people are turned off or alienated because of it then they just aren't the kind of people I'm comfortable with anyway so what have I really lost.
ReplyDeleteToo true Susan, in the end all you can do with success is do what's right for you if you want to be con=mfortfable with yourself
ReplyDelete