Remembering An Angel

Perhaps one of the hardest things for me to do is ask for help. A good deal of the times I have tried, I have been met with negativity and suspicion. There have been those though, who have presented their assistance to me without wanting anything in return, and so truly, this post should be called 'Remembering Angels'.

While I attended college and worked my semi-fast food job, I was struggling to pay my tuition and buy my books. I was only making $5.50 an hour and having taxes removed from my check made it feel like I was working for free. I had one customer who would talk to me every day. She would encourage me and give me good advice. One day she came in with a smile and a card. She had set me up with a job that paid more, although I still wouldn't be able to quit my fast-food job. But it was wonderful, to be able to sit at a desk and work on a computer and not be on my feet. It was wonderful to be exposed to the brilliant art stored in the place and learn new and interesting things. She also gave me a very expensive medical text that I was able to study from. So I worked my two jobs, which eventually became three, and I went to school. Every day she would come in for her coffee and danish. One day I noticed that it seemed as though all of a sudden she was losing weight and she was pale. When I asked her what was wrong, she said she was diagnosed with cancer. My heart sank. I was struggling with work and school and home, and as you know from previous posts, I began to shut down. I just disappeared from the wonderful job at the art curator she procured for me, and I abandoned my fast-food job as well. So, I didn't see her, and I felt guilty for letting her down and soiling her reputation with the art company. About a year later, I went to her 5th Avenue apartment to drop off some flowers, but the doorman told me she died. I never knew why she took the time to befriend me, it just seemed as though she were my own personal angel who I let down and I sorely miss.

I also want to mention a friend of mine who has stood by me since we first met at work. She has listened to me bitch and moan; she has heard my laughter and squeals of excitement. While I was going to the fertility treatment center, and was running low on money for my medication, she was the only one willing to loan me the money I needed to continue my cycle. Things didn't turn out the way I had hoped, but she was with me helping stay sane - giving me her wisdom and sharing her logic, and for that I am grateful.

There are more angels for me to remember, but perhaps another day - I am spent.

Tomorrow, Holding It In. . .